Posted by: Terri Johnston Fraracci | April 16, 2016

All Aboard: Riding the train going nowhere – Revised 4/15/16

All Aboard

I left without leaving

I do it so well

I simply disappeared

Down deep into myself

With a little help from my

friend/enemy

It’s a journey I take often

Though I’ve yet to find out why

I only know I have to go

To stay

I return with an armful of shame

Trailing confusion from under my feet

Righting myself

I swear off these trips

Knowing my suitcase is packed

All tickets reserved in advance

Pain will point me through the gate

Need will make me get on

I’ll board the train to nowhere again

Only to come full circle

After another fruitless ride

Around the rim of my anger

Poem written: 1995

By the grace of God, one day at a time,

Poet’s most recent ride: 1996

*If you are riding the train to nowhere and want to get off, help is available:

  1. Alcoholics Anonymous website
  2. Narcotics Anonymous website
  3. Celebrate Recovery website

another day is a gift

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.” ~ Anne Lamott

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Responses

  1. I so relate to this post. I started riding the train to nowhere when I took up cocaine at the age of 25 and then, after my boyfriend left me, took up binge drinking. By the age of 34 I was using cocaine and drinking 22 hours a day risking my life in serious ways to get drugs and was making myself sick 3 times a day as I was bulimic. I was warned by the doctors that every time I made myself sick on that quantity of cocaine I could have a fatal heart attack and was given three months to live. But as my mother was in a terrible state after multiple strokes I thought I wanted to die. My reaction to thinking I was having a heart attack was to take more cocaine. But I turned it all round. My family forced me into treatment at the beginning of 2005 and although I had no intention of getting clean and only wanted to take a few months off my using the Steps worked and I decided to get clean and have never relapsed since then. I was 11 years clean at the beginning of this year and after a lot of therapy as well all my addictions and mental health problems are in recovery and I am happier and more peaceful than I have ever been.

    Like

    • Thank you so much for sharing your story, Caroline! Congratulations on having 11 years clean and sober :)!Rock on!

      Like


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